Procrastinaaaaation

Currently in Earphones: the delicate, melodic magic of Danny Elfman's score to the newest incarnation of Charlotte's Web, The Bothy Band!


What better time to post than when you should be doing other things? At least I have one paper out of the way, and the second one is coming along nicely, and the third got it's due date pushed forward by almost a week. Why not goof off and post another entry in the ol' blog?

The quarter is once again coming to a close, what with all these papers come due at the same time. On that subject, I regretfully mention that I'll be missing the Berkeley Tournament for a second time on account of my big "Senior" seminar paper being due virtually the day after I would get back. I'm going to the Davis Tournament this year if it frikin' kills me!

I'm working on expanding my swashbuckler section in my DVD collection, and I'm just about to round out the "golden age" of Errol Flynn: I've got Captain Blood and The Adventures of Robin Hood, and am about to nab The Sea Hawk the next chance I get. The Mark of Zorro is also on my list, though I have yet to explore the Tyrone Power or Douglas Fairbanks niches.

I've now got around 13 titles in my "Swash-swash, buckle-buckle" section, and below, an annotated list, from the least-qualified to most in terms of swordplay realism (in my opinion).

13. The Musketeer - Not even Tim Roth can save this poor pile. Pluses: some acrobatics (seeing D'Artagnan do a butterfly kick off of a table is rather neat). Correct fencing lunges. Tim Roth as the batshit insane Febre. Minuses: choreography was better in theory. Calvin-Klein model Justin Chambers. Not nearly enough of Stephen Rea as Richelieu.

12. Cyrano de Bergerac - I love the story, but the swordplay is at a bare minimum. What is there is lots of fun, and good production values. Pluses: a great sense of humor. Cyrano an extremely sympathetic character. story driven choreography. Minuses: heavy-handed melodrama. Things get really serious without any levity halfway through.

11. The Three Musketeers - Better than I expected when I revisited it after years and years, and surprisingly dark for a Disney movie. Pluses: a suitably cocky (and young, very young) Chris O'Donell as D'Artagnan. A suitably troubled (and mentor-ish) Kiefer Sutherland as Athos. Good swordplay. The incomparable Michael "Kill you with my voice" Wincott as Rochefort. Minuses: that screechy Paul McGann (who I'd love to see tackle something more weighty). The overly slimy and not-nearly-strategic-enough Tim Curry as Richelieu. The Lady de Winter who totally wimps out at the end.

10. The Count of Monte Cristo - incredibly well done and fairly recent adaptation of Dumas' classic. Pluses: Richard Harris as frail yet tough Abbe Faria. Michael Wincott strikes back! The genuinely funny Luis Guzman as Jacopo. Choreography with smallswords! Minuses: Jim Caviezel waxing almost too naive more often than not, but other than that, not much!

9. Rob Roy - because we didn't know Scotsman were tough-as-nails before. Pluses: Liam Neeson as always. Tim Roth strikes back! Gritty and realistic swordplay. The incomparable John Hurt. Minuses: the non-graphic yet rather crude way sexuality is handled. It's the bad guy who's well versed in rapier fencing. The tad-long running time.

8. The Princess Bride - C'mon, who doesn't like it? "I see you are using Bonetti's defense!" Pluses: Memorable comedy. Memorable swordfight. Fun for the whole family. Minuses: a tendency to be over-hyped by those who love it. Cheese, cheese, cheese. Silly and movie-fied swordplay.

7. The Mask of Zorro - A surprisingly fun bit of popcorn with better-than-average swordplay and good humor. Pluses: Cold steel, and lots of it. Anthony Hopkins doing his thing. Catherine Zeta-Jones....wowzers (She's Welsh, by the way, same as Hopkins). Minuses: Matt Letscher as an equal to Banderas?..Maybe in the creepy factor. While a step in the right direction, still very movie-fied swordplay. The requirement that we suspend disbelief even past the crazy acrobatics and riding (the heroes and a couple of hundred oppressed peoples all outrunning the explosion in the end?).

6. The Adventures of Robin Hood - a Classic tale very well told. Watch it when you want some pure escapism and fun. Pluses: Errol Flynn, the only man who can swashbuckle with flair and not have us laugh at him. Swordplay with classical fencing roots easily seen, though it's hack-'n-slash. Basil Rathbone as the most likable (but still sneeringly evil) bad-guy you've ever seen. Olivia de Hallivand. Minuses: Can be a tad too upbeat for some. When did all those pastels exist in nature?

5. Captain Blood - another great golden age swashbuckler, and most of Sabatini's story kept intact! Pluses: a more grounded (but equally suave) Errol Flynn than in the previously mentioned movie. Olivia de Havilland looking much better without the head covering from the previously mentioned movie. Swordplay more reminiscent of actual fencing. Basil Rathbone. Minuses: A long running time. This is a darn good movie.

4. Scaramouche - Another classic from the 50's. Pluses: Longest, Swordfight, ever! Extremely classical swordplay. Swordplay oozing from all the cracks. The sultry and saucy Eleanor Parker (love those redheads). Minuses: I didn't know France looked so much like San Francisco's Golden Gate park! Really, I've got nothing else bad about it.

3. The Three Musketeers and The Four Musketeers - Richard Lester's best-yet telling of Dumas' classic story. Pluses: Oliver Reed as a pitch-perfect Athos. Realistic swordplay. Christopher Lee bringing a debonair touch to Rochefort. A surprisingly good Charlton Heston as a cool, strategic and calculating Richelieu. Fay Dunaway as the ice cold and eeeevil Lady de Winter. Minuses: The overtly slapstick (and bordering sexist) portrayal of Constance, some scenes played for laughs that shouldn't have been. Not much else.

2. On Guard (Le Bossu) - An almost Shakespearean story with damn good swordplay. Pluses: A very theatrical botte segrete described in classical fencing terms?..Score! A likable Daniel Auteuil as the protagonist. Cool, cool swordplay. Minuses: a somewhat convoluted story. A few bordering-on-"eew" elements, including the ending (though it be a happy one). European languor in storytelling.

1. The Duellists - a film about obsession and it's ramifications, but of good caliber. Pluses: Hands down, the most realistic swordplay and consequences-of-swordplay on film (duels over in seconds, long recovery times between duels). An engrossing story. Keith Carradine a likable protagonist. Minuses: a somewhat dreamlike way of storytelling. Other than that, not much.


And there you have it, my collection at the current moment. Hope that was all informative. And now, time for bed, Procrastination has been accomplished with flying colors!


Enough, More Later.
- James