Editeditedit (written 6/3/07, effective 6/2/07): And bounced back again, thanks once again for the sympathy all. Being shaken out of a shell is a jarring experience, and though I'm still looking at it longingly, I'm feeling better for being the more free.
Editedit (Early Morning, 6/1/07): FUCK, NEVERMIND.
Fortunae plango vulnera / stillantibus ocellis, / quod sua mihi munera / subtrahit rebellis. / verum est, quod legitur / fronte capillata, / sed plerumque sequitur / Occasio calvata.
In Fortunae solio / sederam elatus, / prosperitatis vario / flore coronatus; / quicquid enim florui / felix et beatus / nunc a summo corrui / gloria privatus.
Fortunae rota volvitur; / descendo minoratus; / alter in altum tollitur; / nimis exaltatus / rex sedet in vertice / caveat ruinam / nam sub axe legimus / Hecubam reginam."
- Carmina Burana
"I grieve the wounds of Fortune with flowing eyes, because her gifts she has treacherously taken back from me. It is truly written that she has lovely hair, but it follows that she is bald when needed most.
On the throne of fortune I had sat, elated, crowned with the varied flower of prosperity; For however much I flourished, happy and blessed, now I have fallen from the peak, deprived of glory.
The Wheel of Fortune turns; I sink, debased; another is raised on high, far too high, a king sits at the peak. Let him beware ruin! For under the axle it is written: 'Queen Hecuba'"
The above link is for reference.
Edit (Late afternoon, 5/31/07): Every time you die a little, it becomes easier to bounce back. I'm better than I was, thanks all.
Original Post:
Currently in Earphones: "Poor Twisted Me" by Metallica
You fucking, fucking fool. The hell were you thinking? And why so surprised?
Fucking, fucking fool.
Now if y'all will excuse me, there's a rock I need to go hide under.
Enough, More Later.
- James
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
I defer to the more experienced, here...
Currently in Earphones: Corvus Corax's Tritonus
So, about a month ago, a fairly good friend sent me an e-mail that took me a bit off guard in that it was fairly odd, even for her. The subject matter itself was nothing big or worrisome, but it was somewhat strange, and I couldn't quite tell what to make of it. Was she just goofing around? Being sincere? Something else? In any case, I was unsure how to respond, but did so anyway, and in a my usual wry fashion, or so I thought.
I could go on and on about how Computer Mediated Communication is a "lean medium," in that vocal and physical subtleties are easily lost in it. Hell, I wrote my final paper on it for Communications 3 in my Sophomore year, so you would figure that I might know better. The long and the short of it was that she took my response to be far more dry and sarcastic than I had intended it to be, evidently on the point of being insulting, and her following response was very clear that she wasn't pleased with what she had gotten out of my missive.
I found myself at a stand-still: Being the guy that I am, I hate confrontation, and this chain of communication was making me more and more uncomfortable. However, she was a good enough friend that I was upset by what had befallen, but I found myself not caring enough to immediately rectify the situation. Exhibiting the typical guy behavior, I didn't touch the matter further, and of course I haven't resumed any form of communication with her since then.
Currently I've been reminded that she's still around, and the fact that we haven't talked in ages, and I've reached a conundrum that is most likely a lost cause. I keep going back and forth: On one hand, I do miss her company and conversation, but on the other, I wonder if I truly care enough to work at resuming this friendship. However, I've probably screwed myself royally by divesting myself of the situation to begin with.
For those of you older and wiser than myself, all I ask is if you've had such experiences yourself, or if you have any advice on the whole subject. Try to keep any "told-you-so's" to a minimum, I know I've most likely been an ass about the whole thing. Anything else would be appreciated, though.
Thanks, all!
Enough, More Later.
- James
So, about a month ago, a fairly good friend sent me an e-mail that took me a bit off guard in that it was fairly odd, even for her. The subject matter itself was nothing big or worrisome, but it was somewhat strange, and I couldn't quite tell what to make of it. Was she just goofing around? Being sincere? Something else? In any case, I was unsure how to respond, but did so anyway, and in a my usual wry fashion, or so I thought.
I could go on and on about how Computer Mediated Communication is a "lean medium," in that vocal and physical subtleties are easily lost in it. Hell, I wrote my final paper on it for Communications 3 in my Sophomore year, so you would figure that I might know better. The long and the short of it was that she took my response to be far more dry and sarcastic than I had intended it to be, evidently on the point of being insulting, and her following response was very clear that she wasn't pleased with what she had gotten out of my missive.
I found myself at a stand-still: Being the guy that I am, I hate confrontation, and this chain of communication was making me more and more uncomfortable. However, she was a good enough friend that I was upset by what had befallen, but I found myself not caring enough to immediately rectify the situation. Exhibiting the typical guy behavior, I didn't touch the matter further, and of course I haven't resumed any form of communication with her since then.
Currently I've been reminded that she's still around, and the fact that we haven't talked in ages, and I've reached a conundrum that is most likely a lost cause. I keep going back and forth: On one hand, I do miss her company and conversation, but on the other, I wonder if I truly care enough to work at resuming this friendship. However, I've probably screwed myself royally by divesting myself of the situation to begin with.
For those of you older and wiser than myself, all I ask is if you've had such experiences yourself, or if you have any advice on the whole subject. Try to keep any "told-you-so's" to a minimum, I know I've most likely been an ass about the whole thing. Anything else would be appreciated, though.
Thanks, all!
Enough, More Later.
- James
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Quis custodiet ipso custodem?
Currently in earphones: Corvus Corax's Cantus Buranus
Well, let me just say that I'm quite pleased with how Phil's 21st B-day Bash went, not that it was entirely different from the other house parties we've been having, but that I've finally found my place among them.
Earlier I posted about how I like to have some time to myself, how I can only handle so much at a time. This still kinda applies, but another side of it was that getting drunk and making a fool of myself that usually constitutes "partying" (when it comes to this type of shindig) doesn't appeal to me (well, the getting drunk part, at least, I can be a goofy son-of-a-gun dead sober to begin with).
After the real party peoples started showing up last night, I made my usual retreat to my room, but after a while realized I was still up to socializing. After all, there were some really good friends of mine out there who I would have loved to stay and hobnob with (not that I didn't do so beforehand, the crowds triggered my solitary sense). After going out and aimlessly standing about, I realized that there were quite an abundance of empty bottles and cups sitting around, so I did what I do best and cleaned them up.
As I did so, and noticed that the trash needed to be taken out as well, I realized that I was feeling better in the act of cleaning up. I normally take pleasure in keeping things clean to begin with, and I suddenly found a new place within the festivities. I could keep things in a reasonable order, therefore giving me a sense of purpose within the shindig, and use that to amble around and chat with people. Without that sense of purpose, I felt like a vagrant, joining in conversations here and there, but without any real sense of belonging. Suddenly, I had a reason to be hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know (not to mention those who I did, but that wouldn't have stopped me to begin with). It felt wonderful.
Maybe it was also because I didn't have to deal with any over-enthusiastic drunks, maybe it was because the party was smaller than before. But whatever the reason, I have suddenly found my calling. It probably also helped that there were people there from all over, so I wasn't the only one who was standing off to the side. I had fun assuring the new arrivals that I would be remaining sober for the evening, and if they needed anything to simply ask. It felt so good to find my niche, that of responsible host, and doing so was awesome.
Also, I'm getting used to the fact that when I tell people I only have a drink or two at parties, they treat me with pity. As if I didn't enjoy remaining sober! "All the better to remember your shenanigans, my dear."
Enough, More Later.
- James
Well, let me just say that I'm quite pleased with how Phil's 21st B-day Bash went, not that it was entirely different from the other house parties we've been having, but that I've finally found my place among them.
Earlier I posted about how I like to have some time to myself, how I can only handle so much at a time. This still kinda applies, but another side of it was that getting drunk and making a fool of myself that usually constitutes "partying" (when it comes to this type of shindig) doesn't appeal to me (well, the getting drunk part, at least, I can be a goofy son-of-a-gun dead sober to begin with).
After the real party peoples started showing up last night, I made my usual retreat to my room, but after a while realized I was still up to socializing. After all, there were some really good friends of mine out there who I would have loved to stay and hobnob with (not that I didn't do so beforehand, the crowds triggered my solitary sense). After going out and aimlessly standing about, I realized that there were quite an abundance of empty bottles and cups sitting around, so I did what I do best and cleaned them up.
As I did so, and noticed that the trash needed to be taken out as well, I realized that I was feeling better in the act of cleaning up. I normally take pleasure in keeping things clean to begin with, and I suddenly found a new place within the festivities. I could keep things in a reasonable order, therefore giving me a sense of purpose within the shindig, and use that to amble around and chat with people. Without that sense of purpose, I felt like a vagrant, joining in conversations here and there, but without any real sense of belonging. Suddenly, I had a reason to be hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know (not to mention those who I did, but that wouldn't have stopped me to begin with). It felt wonderful.
Maybe it was also because I didn't have to deal with any over-enthusiastic drunks, maybe it was because the party was smaller than before. But whatever the reason, I have suddenly found my calling. It probably also helped that there were people there from all over, so I wasn't the only one who was standing off to the side. I had fun assuring the new arrivals that I would be remaining sober for the evening, and if they needed anything to simply ask. It felt so good to find my niche, that of responsible host, and doing so was awesome.
Also, I'm getting used to the fact that when I tell people I only have a drink or two at parties, they treat me with pity. As if I didn't enjoy remaining sober! "All the better to remember your shenanigans, my dear."
Enough, More Later.
- James
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