We don't need no friggin' titles.

Currently in headphones: ".45" by Shinedown, "Denn alles Fleisch es ist wie Gras" from Brahms' German Requiem.

I would like to apologize for the following rant to the regular readers out there. This egocentric happenstance is not indicative of normal posts and should not be construed as such. Regular readers are urged to skip this post in favor of catching a more informative, interesting entry to occur later. I apologize for the inconvenience.

begin(personal tangent)

Alright, what the hell am I supposed to feel here? Whenever something happens and I can't see My Lady, I always feel let down. Which, I suppose, is normal, but I feel like a manipulative, evil partner for it being so. I've always read those love stories, in which the young, infatuated man can't seem to take being away from his other and usually breaks some rules to see her, achieving brief happiness but complicating things later on. What I usually thought of the said young man was that he was overly brash and destructive in the long run and shouldn't have done what he did. He somehow should have been more mature and waited, making the small sacrifice of loneliness to, somehow, be happier later on.

Now, before I continue, let me just say that I've at least reached a level of comfort in the after-effects of my last romantic endeavors. As my Psych textbook says, Separation is a gradual thing, not an instant resolution. Therefore, I don't worry that I'm "hung up" on my last relationship, because I know that something that intense doesn't just disappear quietly. I don't know how long it will take for me to fully "get over" it, but I'm not worried that it has not yet happened.

With that said, in my last romantic encounter, I suddenly came to realize what pain it was to be away from the other you cared about, and following in the footsteps of the dissatisfied youths of the stories, I let my feet do the thinking. Though nothing incredibly dangerous/bad happened on my yearning sojourn, I will merely say that the effects of such were opposite, and started my downward spiral that led me out of those final months.

I was vindicated in my thinking, and nastily so, for my immediate actions had the opposite outcome, as it had been repeatedly shown in the stories I was familiar with. Now, to be fair, that wasn't the only factor in this romantic demise, but it sure as hell expedited it.

Now, at this point in time, when I am again frustrated by the coming together of circumstances and the like that prematurely separates me from My Lady, I feel bound. On one hand, I feel the frustration and the letdown that I can now empathize in those stories of old. On the other, I'm so frikin' biased based on that last time I let my self and soul wander that I dare not do anything lest I complicate the matter. So I beat my head and heart against the cages of reality and my bias and feel generally horrible.

As Peter Parker inquired of the world, "Am I not supposed to have what I want?"

Man, I've got issues.

End(personal tangent)

If you, reader, have read all down to here, you are entirely vindicated in thinking less of me. Something so intensely personal probably has no right to be where the public can see it, much less the impertinent whining of a thwarted Romeo. Once again, I urge you to disregard this post in reference to the continuity of what this blog should be. I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

Enough. More Later.
- James