The Need for Solitude

Currently in Earphones: The soft susserations of a party down the hall.

Well, as long as I'm taking a break from the hullabaloo, I might as well write a short journal entry as to my character concerning the subject.

I have often found myself at the cusp of some group event, perhaps one I didn't have much interest in, but always in these instances with a sense of disquiet. It's the oddest feeling, almost like the flight response, but calm and collected. At these times I seek the refuge of a quiet room, or a quiet place, away from the noise and jollity, and the only way I can articulate this feeling and desire is to say that my senses need a break.

If it comes on strong enough, I'll sneak away as soon as the coast is clear, often abandoning companions in mid-walk. I don't mean to say that I don't enjoy their company, or would not enjoy a shindig or get-together, it is simply that, at that point, I have no desire to be trapped in a large group. Call it claustrophobia, call it anti-social tendencies, it is all and neither. I don't bear any ill-will toward the event or people that I run away from, I simply need to be alone.

I have explained as much to my good friends, and they are of the highest character in accepting and supporting this odd tendency when it comes up. Perhaps it is just part of who I am, but I feel such anxiousness and a growing sense of things not-being-right that sometimes I wonder if such things are products of something in the past.

Regardless of origin, it is simply something that is who I am. I wish I could explain it better, but until then, if I'm around a party or some such and disappear, nothing is wrong, I merely crave solitude.


Enough, More Later.
- James