A thousand times Ugh

Currently in Earphones: Plunkett and MacLean soundtrack by Craig Armstrong


Ugh. It's been fairly quiet in the house as of late. Had a nice weekend back at home and have had a few visits by fencing friends (usually invited over by Phil, and heartily endorsed by me). However, no amount of that, Ian Fleming, Sir Walter Scott or Susanna Clarke can lift my current funk.

As most of you know by now, I had to let go of a wonderful relationship about a year back, and she who left for the green land shall be returning in the matter of a few weeks. Though she has felt horribly about the whole situation and much grief was to be had on both sides, she wishes to continue the friendship we once had. As you all also know by now, I am still very much in love with her, but despite her good will towards me and though it has not been stated outright, I do not believe she would wish to continue where we left off.

A series of slow revelations has shown her to have moved on, becoming involved with another and from the looks of things, continue to carry on her relationship upon her return. I have only wished for her happiness, and though it tears me in two to know that I am not the one to give it to her, I know that it is for the best that she does what she does. The last thing I would want would be to cause her grief, for she deserves happiness. I cannot be the one to deny it to her.

Yet still a small part of me hopes that perhaps I still mean enough to her to rekindle what was old, but it is a slim and foolish hope, and one that will most likely need be snuffed. I still have two long weeks, and I fear I shall not improve by stewing upon the matter.

Good friends, I implore you: give me your time as you are able that I may improve by your company. I have brooded enough upon this matter of the heart and could use more cheerful times. All of your thoughts, conversations and laughter are sorely missed in my solitude, and any time you could give me would lighten my spirit. Contact me however you will, for I eagerly await your company.


Enough. More Later,
- James